Interfaith Marriages – marriage between persons of different religions
How To Deal With The Challenges of Interfaith Marriages from Paul Friedman
When two individuals get married, they are combining families along with all of the traditions, joys, sorrows and prejudices that are part of their family’s heritages. Interfaith marriages definitely contribute to the complexity of combining families.
On the other hand, when two come together in Holy matrimony they become the foundation of future generations. This is a beginning of future generations and the decisions of the newlyweds are what matters.
Interfaith Marriages Don’t Matter to God
Marriage is an invention of God’s. Although God’s laws are “defined” through religion His love is the universal component in all religions and the most important reality. While one religion may suggest the worship of God while on your knees and another religion has you standing up while you pray, both religions are praying to the same God. It is the guidance of God’s rules for happiness that helped both individuals become good people as interpreted through their family first and religion second… right?
The families of both bride and groom sacrificed tremendously in order to protect and properly care for their respective children so when they suddenly announce their intention of marrying outside of their faith it is taken as a rejection of their values and a lack of appreciation for what they did; it is understandable. But it is not a rejection of the parents, at worst it is an assertion of a new beginning.
The Spiritual Aspect of God and His Love Underlines all Religions and all Marriages
The couple who marries vow to each other with God as their witness, and it is God who sanctifies the marriage. The couple doesn’t have to worry about who performs the marriage ceremony; it will still be a Holy matrimony. But they do have to decide how they will raise their children.
Future Parents Must Make Decisions For Their Own Family
A universal reality is that once a couple joins together in matrimony and leaves the house of their parents, they begin a new family and new lineage. Sometimes parents don’t understand what that means at first. Because of their love and attachment, they insist upon continuing to impose their own values on the new family that they consider to be an offshoot of their own, and it is. But it is independent, taking root in its new soil, and the new couple must choose for themselves the destiny of their family.
It is wise and loving for parents to be supportive of whatever decision the couple makes and not try to influence them.
It is very important for the future parents to decide how their children will be raised. After all, marriage in the faith of the children is creating consistency and security for them. Putting off the presumed “shock” is not helpful. Your parents deserve the consideration of your honesty. If they reject you because of your decision you must understand that you knew when you started dating outside your faith that yours may become an interfaith marriage. You chose to put your future in your own hands even if it meant partial or total rejection from your parents and now is not the time to judge them. Let them have time for the reality to sink in. Let them come to a resolution in their own mind and in their own way; no selling or cajoling.
Your Family Will Be Defined By the Values You Adhere To
Now is the time to practice the art of discussions. In my book Lessons For A Happy Marriage I help couples learn the art of marital discussions. You may wish to review the principles and techniques found there. But in the meantime remember some very important points:
Be nice – control your behavior no matter how you feel
Be understanding – no one has a handle on ultimate truth except God
–This next article by Mark Sibley Jones, Faithnet.
It is often the religious symbolism and overtones that give marriage its meaning. But, what happens in a marriage when those symbols and meanings come from more than one religious tradition?
Actually, I want to talk here about two types of inter-religious marriages. First is the literal inter-religious marriage in which two persons from different religions are married. An inter-religious marriage, for example, might involve persons from Buddhism and Christianity. Second, though often referred to as “inter-religious,” is the inter-denominational marriage—two persons from two different traditions of the same religion. Catholics and Methodists are both Christians, but come from vastly different traditions within Christianity. Nonetheless, the commonality of basic doctrine is usually much more similar in inter-denominational relationships.
From my ministry as a hospital chaplain and pastoral counselor, I’ve had many experiences of working with couples entering into both inter-religious and inter-denominational marriages. Here are some of the highlights of what I’ve learned from those experiences—as well as from my own marriage.
A good marriage has more to do with commitment than compatibility. The question for marrying couples is not necessarily, “How much alike are we?” Rather, it is often, “How much energy are we willing to give to making this relationship work?” For me, the most important spiritual issue in religion has to do with how one’s spirituality serves as a support and strength for relationships. Religious faith offers us a belief in something greater than ourselves—a divine object of commitment that goes far beyond marriage itself. Such spiritual foundations transcend the hard times and enrich the good times. In planning a wedding it might be good to consider how the ceremony expresses this commitment.
There is no way to measure difference. Some of the most difficult adjustments I’ve seen persons struggle with have arisen from what appeared to be the most minute of differences. Conversely, persons coming from the greatest differences may have the easiest time coping with those differences. It seems that any sense of difference can be amplified during a wedding. Wedding ceremonies don’t have to be just about the ways two people are alike; differences are important, too.
People change over time. The level of religiosity of a person on their wedding day may not predict where they will be years from now. Significant events in life have a way of activating latent feelings and values. A person for whom religious devotion is a low priority may regain a sense of its importance when a child is born. The religious affiliation of children can stir long forgotten loyalties and convictions. Other life passages such as the death of a loved one—may trigger similar deepenings of spirituality.
Diversity can be a strength; and a taxing stress. Incorporating the variety of religious traditions and values in family life can bring a richness to significant occasions as well as everyday circumstances. Children who grow up in a home that is religiously diverse, and respectful, may learn much of tolerance and find that their own spiritual lives are enhanced by this diversity of God images.
Families, as we all know, are seldom ideal. Differences in religious faith, like any other difference of opinion, can result in tension and conflict. Rather than an enriching of spiritual growth, such conflict may dampen it, as things religious are associated with painful tensions. Furthermore, children are seldom able to sort out the complexities of religious issues, and may conclude that religion is a negative influence rather than a positive aspect of life.
In the final analysis, relationships are less about who is right or wrong, and more about how we serve one another with our own uniqueness and gifts. The beginnings of a truly healthy religious faith is born in the context of this kind of loving relationship.
