Brother Escorting the Bride
Dear Edith
My father passed away and I would like for my brother to walk me down the aisle. However, he would also be one of the groomsmen. Is that okay?
Answer
I see no problem with your brother walking you down the aisle, and then stepping up to the alter in line with the other groomsmen. This can be worked out during rehearsal. I hope this helps!
-Edith
Catholic Weddings
Dear Edith
My boyfriend is Catholic, but I am not. He would like a catholic wedding in the future, but I don’t know how that would work. How does this type of wedding operate?
Answer
There are many choices for you– even in Catholic weddings. First, you need to talk to your boyfriend’s priest. If he is too rigid, you can turn to www.rentapriest.com or a DEACON associated with the Catholic church to perform the ceremony. I hope this helps.
-Edith
Catholic Wedding Ceremony Question
Dear Edith
I know that this question might shock, but I must confess that I have never attended a wedding, neither has my fiance. We both are from different backgrounds. HE is from Denmark and I am from Guatemala. In terms of religion, we are having a Catholic ceremony and afterwards we are having a reception. My question is, what are the steps, the flow of the reception?
What do you do first? What is at last? Thank you very much.
Answer
Thank you for writing. My dear, you both would benefit from reading my book which covers Catholic weddings and receptions in America in great detail. You have many choices and I strongly recommend you ordering this book which will be of enormous help to both of you and it gives you many options!
It was written for the bride and groom. The first you need to do is select a Catholic church and priest who will guide you on pre-marital counseling which is compulsory. Best wishes!
-Edith
Wedding Ceremony: Lighting the Unity Candle
Dear Edith
If you would like step-children to participate in lighting of the ‘Unity-Candle”, how would you go about doing it? Also how would the seating arrangement go in the reception hall….ie.. the bride and groom table at head then????? thank you
Answer
Please discuss the cande lighting with your minister during the rehearsal OR contact family Medallions at www.familymedallion.com The parents of the bride, then the groom’s parents enter first, then the grandparents, then the attendants and last the bride and groom I hope this helps.
-Edith
Wedding Ceremony: Charge to the Couple
Dear Edith
During the ceremony, what is the Charge to the Couple and is it always included in weddings?
Answer
You need to diiscuss this with your minister please.
-Edith
Choosing Your Church
Dear Edith
I want to get married in a church, but neither my fiancee or myself attend church regularly. My fiancee has only been to church twice in his life. I am baptized catholic, but I do not consider myself catholic. What is the appropriate thing to do?
Answer
Have you checked into a Unitarian church? I think you would both like this denomination.
-Edith
Christian Wedding
Dear Edith
Can you please give me the order of service in a Christian Wedding? Also, I need the instructions on how to direct a wedding?
Answer
The order of service needs to be discussed with your minister. There are MANY options in directing a wedding. Please get a copy of my book and you will see that there are many choices depending on number of guests, budget, etc..
-Edith
Divorced Wedding Singers
Dear Edith
I have two very special people in my life. They were my youth sponsors ten years ago. I always knew they would sing at my wedding. They both have beautiful voices. They have been divorced now for a year and the man is the one that really got hurt. I want them to sing together but I don’t want it to be uncomfortable for them either.
I also, don’t want to have one sing and the other feel less important. Any suggestions? Thanks!
Answer
There’s too many “I want” in your quetion! As you said, their feelings need to be considered and I doubt if they care to sing together. You need to pick one person and talk to him or her and let THEM make the decisions! I hope this helps.
-Edith
Wedding Ceremony: Walking the Bride down the Aisle
Dear Edith
My 38 year old sister is getting married a second time and has asked our father to walk her down the aisle and ‘give her away.’ My father is, to say the least, agast and says this is inappropriate since she has been married once before. Is it improper to have our father give her away? What is the best alternative? Should she walk down the aisle alone or, as my father suggests, enter the chapel from a side door?
Thank you for a speedy reply as the wedding is this month!
Answer
Your father could “escort” your sister down the aisle. He’s right about skipping the “giving away” bit which stems from the ancient notion when women were considered “property” and had no legal rights of their own. Therefore, many brides are skipping the “giving away” routine. Of course she could walk down the aisle by herself as well… I hope this helps.
-Edith
Justice of the Peace Wedding Celebration
Dear Edith
My fiance and I are having a JOP service and small reception, but want to have a church service and large reception in about 7 months. How do we handle the announcements? Do we mention that there will be another wedding? Or is just a ridiculous idea from the get-go?
Answer
Yes, my dear– this is not a good plan. If you wish to celebrate the JOP marriage, have an anniversary party to celebrate your first year of marriage. I hope this helps.
-Edith
Ceremony: How do I get a Ministry License to Marry People?
Dear Edith
I’ve heard of buying a ministry license to marry people. I want more than anything for my best friend to marry my fiance and I, but I don’t know how to get one, could you help me?
Answer
You may find organizations on the web at http://www.themonastery.org/
-Edith
Marriage License Questions
Dear Edith
To get a marriage license in VA, you have to have the names of our birth parents. I have no problem with this, but my fiance’s real father abandoned him when he found out his mother was pregnant, so we don’t know his name.
Is it okay to put down his surrogate father’s name if he has power of attorney over my fiance?
Answer
Thank you for writing. My guess is “yes” but why not check with the marriage license bureau? You can call them on the phone whithout identifying yourself. They will be glad to tell you how to handle this situation. Best wishes.
-Edith
Military Wedding – Short Time Span
Dear Edith
I am in the military and my fiancee and I (recently engaged) are working on a short time span to plan for a small wedding in March. Do you have any tips, advice, or ideas to give to us so we can make our small wedding just as special as if we had a whole year to plan for it?
Answer
The first thing I would do is to talk to my superior officer because they have rules and regulations pertaining to weddings, what to wear etc. Then you need to talk to the Chaplain, if he is going to marry you he could be of help to you in recommending a place, a caterer etc. I cover all this in my book, but that is where I would start. Good luck!
-Edith
Minister Fee
Dear Edith
What is the “normal” fee that the minister will charge?
Answer
My dear, ministers do not “charge” to perform a wedding service, however the average contribution in the United States today is between $50 and $100 depending on how much time the minister has taken with the couple in pre-marriage counseling, rehearsal time, and if a social reception in the church follows the ceremony etc.
We should also take into account the couple’s budget for the wedding. In case of a large formal wedding the donation would, of course, be more. A contribution may be made to the minister’s charitable fund or in the case of Catholic weddings the donation goes to the church. A priest once confided to me that the nicest personal gift he ever received was a round of golf at the local Country Club!
-Edith
Minister’s Fee – The Complete Answer
Dear Edith
How much should we pay our Minister?
Maryland
Answer
It is often puzzling how much one should give the clergyperson for performing the wedding service, because most clergy do not have a set fee. There are times when they will perform a wedding for nothing, although the average range may begin at $150 up to $1,000. Much depends on how much time a clergyperson spends in counseling the bridal couple, guiding the rehearsal and performing the wedding ceremony and if the couple are members of the congregation.
Other considerations include whether the wedding is to be held in a church or elsewhere. When the wedding is held in a place of worship, the clergyperson may have more responsibilities, such as checking with the custodian that the place is clean, heated aired out, and so on, and if bells are to be rung. In addition, when the reception is held in the church after the ceremony, the clergyperson may have additional responsibilities.
If the bride and groom are both members of the congregation, a gift of appreciation to the clergyperson is usual. It may be of a personal nature (a round of golf at a country club) or a donation to his “charitable fund”. If one is not a member, there are fees for the officiant and for the use of the church or synagogue.
When one compares the offering to the minister with the expense say of the bridal bouquet or the wedding cake, it does put things into proper perspective.
-Edith
Number of Guests at the Wedding and Reception
Dear Edith
How do you invite people to the wedding and not the reception when size is an issue at a wedding?
Answer
I am sorry but one does not invite guests to the wedding, and not to the reception. The reception needs to be scaled down and everyone invited. I hope this helps.
-Edith
Wedding: Out of State Clergy
Dear Edith
My Finacee is from Virginia but she will be married in New Jersey. Can her Pastor, also a Virgina resident perform and solemnize the Wedding?
Answer
Please check with your clergy members as to their ability to perform a ceremony out of state. However, I may suggest the possibility of having two clergy at the ceremony. This is not unusual. One performs the religious ceremony and the other the legal requirements with a blessing. I hope this helps.
-Edith
Wedding Ceremony: Procession Order
Dear Edith
What is the correct Procession order? Who enters the church first?
Answer
This depends entirely on the denomination, if its a church wedding. The ceremonials for entry to the church by the bridal party may be varied to suit the taste. This is usually worked out during the rehearsal with the minister or his assistant. I hope this helps.
-Edith
Should We Repeat Our Wedding Ceremony?
Dear Edith
My husband and I were married in a courthouse, I have always wanted a tradional church wedding. We plan to have one on our 5th anniversery, Is this ok? I was very upset at not being able to go through with the whole wedding thing, but people are saying that since we are already married, I should just forget about it and go on with my life. (I get upset everytime I see wedding stuff. I always dreamed of the white dress and all) Do you feel we are right with what we planned or should we just forget about it. Thank you
Answer
My dear people will be very critical if you try to repeat a wedding ceremony after you have been married for five years. Instead, why not have a fifth anniversary party, with a wedding cake, music, flowers etc. and you can even wear a white dress, but not a wedding dress, please! Or have you thought of taking a second honeymoon? I hope this helps.
-Edith
The Limo Ride to the Ceremony
Dear Edith
Who rides in the limo to the ceremoney–the bride and her attendants; the bride and her father; the bride, her attendants and her father?
Answer
The bride and her father ride in the limo. Her mother rides IF she also escorts the bride down the aisle. I hope this helps. I cover this in great detail in my book.
-Edith
Seating of Divorced Parents
Dear Edith
I’m getting married. My parents are divorced. My dad recently re-married. I don’t consider my dad’s wife my new mom, but we are starting a friendship. Where should I seat my dad’s wife and step sister at church? I want my mom and my dad’s wife to feel comfortable at the ceremony.
Answer
Your question is thoughtful and considerate. Your mother is seated in the first row at the ceremony with whomever she feels comfortable with, and your father, stepmom and stepsister may be seated in the second row at the ceremony. At the reception, you could have two separate reserved parents’ tables – one for your mom and one for your dad. You could include placecards with their close friends or relatives to be seated here. I hope this helps.
-Edith
Secretly Married
Dear Edith
My boyfriend and i want to get married now, we are 18 and 19, but we don’t want our parents to know. We want to have a “big wedding” in a few years but we want the commitment and everything now.
Please help, I guess my question is…Can we get married now and still have a “big, formal wedding” in a few years? Thanks so much.
Maryland
Answer
The idea of a big wedding several years after you are secretely married does not go over well with your guests who you plan to invite. Instead, if you do get married now, without telling your parents (which is not a good idea) you can celebrate with a renewing of your vows on a special anniversary. This however is NOT a wedding celebration between two families. You both ought to take advantage of a pre-marital counseling program that is offered through various churches. Good luck!
-Edith
Can We Have Two Wedding Ceremonies?
Dear Edith
We are getting married in Geneva in August 2005 and would like to have another wedding when we return to Connecticut. Is this ok?
Answer
Question – Why not have a reception when you return to Connecticut in honor of your marriage? I cover this in my book. OR you cold have a reaffirmation of your vows and this should be stated on the invitation. I hope this helps. You really can’t have two wedding ceremonies.
-Edith
Wedding Ceremony Alternatives
Dear Edith
I’ve been widowed for 9 years and am 43 yrs.old; He’s never been married and is 40. We also have co-habitated for the past 6 years. What would be a proper marriage ceremony/celebration for us?
Answer
In my opinion, a small private ceremony with immediate family and close friends would be appropriate and in good taste. If you are getting married in church, you could wear a lovely white suit or dress and flowers or a hat.
You could invite everyone to a nice place or restaurant with a private dining room for a pre-planned dinner. You could have toasts, cake, flowers, music if you like. How does this appeal to you?
-Edith
Who Should Walk the Bride Down the Aisle?
Dear Edith
Our son just became engaged to a wonderful young woman. Sadly, her father passed away tragically two years ago, and there is not another adult male in her life (uncle, grandfather etc. Would it be approprite if my husband offered to walk with her (down the isle)? If not, perhaps you have another suggestion. She does have a younger brother, however he will only be 16 at the time of the wedding.
Answer
Thank you for writing. My dear I do understand your wilingnes to help, however I feel you should back off a bit this early in the game because it would be difficult for her to decline your offer. If you son discusses wedding plans with her, it would be more advisable if he made the suggestion casually to her. She might have someone in mind that we don’t know about. I hope this helps!
-Edith
Wedding Program
Dear Edith
What does a wedding program consist of? The groom’s mother wants one, and we’ve never heard of it.
Answer
A wedding program usually consists of a front page that could have the names of the couple getting married or a picture of the church. Inside it can give as little or as much information as you want: Names of the parents, attendants etc. prayers etc and outline of the service. There are no hard and fast rules. Your minister or his secretary can show you a variety of samples.
The programs are handed out to the guests before the ceremony. I hope this helps.
-Edith
Wedding Service Program Wording
Dear Edith
On the wedding service pamphlet, under ‘wedding party’, the groom’s parents are listed under the heading “Groom’s Parents” – but the bride only has one parent living, so should her parent be listed under “Bride’s Parent” or “Bride’s Parents”?
Answer
Thank you for writing. Why not say Mother of the Bride or Father of the Bride? Good luck!
-Edith
Wedding Ushers
Dear Edith
Ushers: Are they also the same people that are in the grooms’ party/escorts for the bridesmaids? Thank you.
Answer
Yes, either the groom’s attendants and/or the ushers can fill this role.
-Edith
Who Should Marry Us
Dear Edith
Who should marry us?
Answer
Occasionally couples ask, “Who should marry us?” First one needs to decide if the ceremony is to be a religious one, officiated by an ordained priest, rabbi or minister, or if it is to be a civil ceremony performed by a mayor, judge, city or county clerk, justice of the peace. For the latter, please check with the Marriage License Bureau in your County Building. For interfaith marriages, one may choose to be married by someone affiliated with a nonreligious organization, such as the American Ethical Union or the American Humanist Association.
If one is not affiliated with a church, one may ask friends to recommend a clergymember, or check under “churches” and “religious organizations” in the Yellow Pages of the telephone book. One may consider a Unitarian minister for example or call any secular college or university. One may also ask a Deacon, who is associated with an Episcopal or Catholic church, to perform the ceremony.
-Edith