Tipping After the Wedding

Dear Edith

Who do you tip at your wedding? What is the customary percentage? Who should be responsible for actually tipping the person?

Answer

You designate your father, the best man or someone responsible to tip in cash for you immediately after the reception. There is no harm in asking the person in charge what the tipping policies are, and this should be discussed. People who are tipped are the maitre d’ ,the chef sometimes, the parking attendants, the bar tender, the cloak room people, any one who provides a service. Florists, photographers are not usually tipped. Musicians are tipped, especially if they work overtime. How much depends on your budget – anywhere from 15 to 20%. I hope this helps!

-Edith

Wedding Rings: Who Pays?

Dear Edith

Who pays for the groom’s wedding band?

Answer

The bride pays for the groom’s wedding ring.

-Edith

Who Pays For the Rehearsal Dinner?

Dear Edith

My daughted is getting married in August. Her fiance’s father is not paying for the rehersal dinner. Are we obligated to inviting him to the rehearsal dinner? And also, who do we invite to the rehearsal dinner besides the wedding party? Thank you.

Answer

About the rehearsal dinner–there are no hard and fast rules. Usually the entire wedding party and their spouses (but not dates) is invited including the minister and spouse. In addition people often include special guests such as grand parents, if they wish, and out of town guests.

I see no reason to exclude the father of the groom because the object of this evening is to draw the two families more closely together. The rehearsal dinner can be a simple low budget affair or a formal sit-down dinner. Anyone on the groom’s side can offer to host this event, but if for some reason this isn’t going to happen, the bride’s family may offer to do this. In some cases the wedding party simply goes off together to enjoy refreshments at a pub. I would need to know more about your special situation. I hope this helps.

-Edith

Rehearsal Dinner: Who Should We Invite?

Dear Edith

As the parents of the groom, we will be paying for the rehearsal dinner. Who should be invited to the rehearsal dinner other then the wedding party participants and the brides parents?

Is it customary to allow for additional guests to be invited, and, if so, are there any guidelines in regards to how a guest list is developed? If other guests are invited (other then wedding party) should they be expected to pay for their own dinners, or should we pay for them as well?

Answer

Guests who are invited to the rehearsal dinner always includes the members of the wedding party, the minister and spouse, parents and sometimess grand parents or close relatives. In addition, often out of town guests are invited, but if they are not, something else should be planned for them, like a cocktail party, either by a friend or yours, or a hospitality room with refreshments can be set up for them if they are staying in a hotel or motel. People never are asked to pay for their meal. I hope this helps.

-Edith

Who Pays for the Wedding?

Dear Edith

My daughter is 21 and has moved out to live with her now fiance for 18 months. They now say they’re getting married and want to know what I can contribute? Earlier this year, she told my wife and I she was paying for all of the wedding. Now, I feel she’s changed the rules on us. What do you suggest?

Answer

Thank you for writing. I guess your daughter found out that having a wedding nowadays is pretty expensive! You ought to contribute what you can afford, and your daughter’s wedding should be planned without anyone going into debt. My book covers this subject pretty well. I hope this helps.

-Edith

Who Pays for the Wedding?

Dear Edith

My stepfather and I are not close at all. I put up with him and he puts up with me because my mother loves him. I was not going to ask him to give me away (I’ve been on my own completely without support from them for eight years). We were planning that we would have a small ceremony without family.

Well my parents were upset that I was not letting my dad (stepdad/no birthfather) give me away. So, I decided that I should ask him to anyway just to escort me down the aisle – to the ceremony – that was all.

I asked him and his response was ok, as bland as they come. I was told by my mom that making that decision would mean they could help with financing the large wedding that it was now going to turn into. So, we picked a beautiful site asking my parents to try and contribute only 3,000-4,000. They responded that they could not and the only thing they will help with is the dress ($800.00).

Now, they have the finances to help, but it is a control thing. Because it is his money, my mom does not work. I am the only child. He has supported my mom and I since I was 8 yrs old. They are also making themselves completely unavailable to contribute time to help me.

I feel awful, but he is going to walk me down the aisle and because of that I am dreading that part of my wedding day. How should I take on this feeling? The one thing I don’t want are for them not to contribute any time or encouragment, and then show up at the wedding and be the parents of the bride, when they haven’t even been there for me or the wedding until that day. I tried to make it short, sorry.

Answer

My dear, I think you need to separate dreams from reality! Your dream is to have your “father” give you away! This giving away bit stems from the days when women were considered property, so no bride today needs to be “given away” to another man. Instead she may be “escorted” down the aisle, which is what you are planning to do. The reality is, as you say, your mother loves your step-father, he has been there and supported you both since you are 8 years old and I feel deserves the honor of escorting you down the aisle.

Perhaps if your attitude toward this situation were to change, things would turn out better for you on your wedding day. It might also help for you to talk to your minister, who is marrying you. Has he offered you some pre-marital counseling? Good luck and good wishes.

-Edith