Date for a Bridesmaid?

Dear Edith

I am supposed to be a bridesmaid in a wedding in a few months. I had been dating a guy for over a year, we recently broke up. The bride and groom invited us as a couple to their engagement party. I recently received the save the date letter only addressed to myself. I was the only one in the bridal party that was now not invited with a guest, since my boyfriend broke up with me. Is this right?

Answer

Yes, it is perfectly alright. Often weddings do not include dates since sometimes space or budget does not permit. Go to the wedding and you may meet someone new there that you will enjoy. Be warm and friendly and have a good time! Of course, you might also consider making arrangements and going with another couple who lives near you. Good luck! I hope this helps.

-Edith

Ceremony Officiants

Dear Edith

Where do I find out how someone can be certified to perform my ceremony? My uncle is able to do weddings in Penn. but not here. Any suggestions?

Answer

You might check www.universallifechurch.org on the internet or look for a Unitarian minister or check the yellow section of your phone book under churches. I hope this helps.

-Edith

Father Deceased: Who Should Give Me Away?

Dear Edith

I always envisioned my father giving me away at my wedding; however, he was recently killed in an accident at work. I am considering asking the groom’s father if he would give me away, I think that it would mean a lot to both of us.

The problem is my mother is upset because I didn’t ask her to give me away. I guess I am old-fashion and believe that it should be one of the fathers that give me away. I know that brides are allowing there mothers to give them away, but I am uncomfortable with the idea. Am I wrong not to ask her? How can I make her understand and not be angry with me?

Thank you in advance for your advice.

Answer

Let’s begin with this “giving away” bit. This custom stems from the ancient idea that women were considered property who had no rights at all! Modern women do not need to be given away! They may be escorted down the aisle and I feel it would be better for your mother to do the honors, since you are more closely related. than you are to the groom’s father., who has no obligation to “give you away”.

If you have a brother or uncle, they might also be considered. Some brides walk down the aisle by themselves. I hope this helps clarify your thinking.

-Edith

Female Best Man

 

Dear Edith

If a woman is chosen as a groom’s “best man”, how is she listed on the wedding program? Thanks, Rebecca

Answer

My suggestion in my new edition of the Complete Wedding Planner, is to call her “Friend of Honor”. I hope this helps.

-Edith

Gifts for the Wedding Attendants

Dear Edith

I recently got engaged. I want to ask my future sister-in-law to be my maid of honor and would like to present her with something special (as a keepsake)of our relationship/the event when I ask her. Do you have any suggestions?

Answer

It’s a nice idea but not necessary at this time. Gifts are usually presented to attendants at a pre-wedding luncheon, or at the rehearsal dinenr. Since I don’t know the person, her likes and special interests it would be hard for me to suggest anything now. I hope you don’t invite your attendants too soon. I suggest waiting until about 6 months before the wedding as circumstances often change. I hope this helps.

-Edith

The role of the Groomsmen

Dear Edith

I want my brother to be one of the two people that walk me down the aisle. Can he also be a groomsman?

Answer

This is an unusual question. However, I think that your brother could walk you down the aisle, and when he reaches the alter, he can step up and stand with the other groomsmen. I hope this helps.

-Edith

Wedding Attendants: Junior Bridesmaids

Dear Edith

My sister is 14, should she get paired with a groomsmen? I believe there is something called a junior bridesmaid. Thank you.

Answer

Yes, my dear, there is a category called junior bridesmaid. If your sister walks alone, or with another bridesmaid or groomsman, it can be worked out at the rehearsal. This is usually done according to height. I hope this helps.

-Edith

Wedding Attendants: Maid of Honor

Dear Edith

How can I “honor”or distinguish my MOH? All the girls have the same dress and I don’t think she would want to wear a shawl or anything, wouldn’t go with look.

Answer

You may distinguish the maid of honor by choosing a different flower bouquet for her to carry. I hope this helps.

-Edith

Wedding Duties of the Matron of Honor

Dear Edith

My daughter has been chosen to be a matron of honor at her best friends Lori’s June wedding. My daughter was wondering what her responsibilities are as a matron of honor. Does she throw the bridal shower etc. We would appreciate your advice on this matter.

Answer

The duties of the matron of honor are to be supportive to the bride before and on the day of the wedding. She is invited to all the parties and may give one herself or with other bridesmaids. Either a luncheon, tea, shower, co-ed party.

She is obligated to purchase a bridesmaid’s dress and shoes selected by the bride. She will choose a wedding gift for the couple and attend the rehearsal. During the double ring ceremony, she holds the groom’s ring and hands it to the bride, she holds the bride’s bouquet, helps adjust her veil, and rearranges the bride’s train when she turns to leave at the end of the service. She stands next to the couple in the receiving line and is seated to the groom’s left at the head table. She signs her name to the marrige license as a witness. I hope this information is of help.

-Edith

Wedding Attendants: Pregnant Bridesmaids

 

Dear Edith

I have a friend who is getting married next year. Two of her bridesmaids have told her recently that they are trying to have babies. Although she doesn’t feel that she should tell them when to or not to have more children, she really doesn’t want pregnant bridesmaids in her wedding. She had already asked them to be bridesmaids, is there a way to tactfully discourage them from being a bridesmaid?

Answer

I am afraid you are crossing bridges before you come to them. Who knows if they will get pregnant, or how far along they will be? If the girl is very far along, one can always say, “I think for YOUR sake it would be better if you attend as my very special guest.”

Since she has already asked them, let it lie for now. For this and other good reasons, I recommend that people do not ask anyone to be an attendant before 6 months ahead of the wedding. I hope this helps.

-Edith

RESPONSE

Dear Edith

Thank you. I suggested the following – do you think this is appropriate?

“I’m very happy that you and your husband are trying to have another baby. I still would like for you to be a part of my special day, would you consider doing a reading for us?”

Answer

I am sorry but I don’t get it! If the girl doesn’t want a pregnant bridesmaid, why does she want her to do a reading?

-Edith

 

The Role of Step-Mothers

Dear Edith

What is the role of the step-mother, on the groom’s side, in the wedding. His MOTHER is deceased. please advise.

Answer

Much depends on your relationship to the groom. How long have you been married to his father? Did you help raise him? Generally speaking the groom’s parents host the rehearsal dinner. That’s about it. You are seated with your husband in the first row at the ceremony. Any other questions please write again.

-Edith

Too Many Bridesmaids!

 

Dear Edith

We are inviting 200-300 people. I am trying to decide on the wedding party. I have three sisters and two friends that I want to be bridemaids. What should I do with his two sisters and one sister in law? His oldest sister’s children will both be in the wedding (flower girl and jr usher).

The younger sister is not married and I don’t want to make her feel left out. But if I ask one sister, I feel like I need to ask both. I am not particularly close with them but I want to include everyone. I am afraid guestbook attendent is not good enough- consolation prize.

Answer

It seems to me that five bridesmaids are enough! The one sister will be busy with getting her children ready for their duties, and the two other sisters could give a short reading during the ceremony, which is an important honor, or one could be in charge of gifts, or supervise the cake cutting. I have a list of things they could do in my book. I hope this helps.

-Edith

Wedding Attendants: More Guys than Girls

 

Dear Edith

Most of my friends are guys and most of my fiance’s friends are also guys. We are trying to choose who will be standing up in our wedding but we are having a difficult time. I can only think of 4 girls and we have 10 guys. what can I do to handle this situation. I don’t want to leave my closest friends out just because they are not women, but the sides will be drastically uneven if I leave them in.

Answer

Have you thought of giving some of the “guys” honorary roles such as attending to the gifts, signing the guest book, handing out programs or giving a short reading? these are all listed in my book. This might help even things up. I hope this helps.

-Edith