Returning the Ring in a Broken Engagement

Dear Edith

I’m a reporter, writing a story about the breakup of singer Jennifer Lopez and actor Ben Affleck. My question is: should she return the huge, pink diamond engagment ring he gave her?

What is the proper thing to do?

Thanks for your help.

Karen Guzman, Staff Writer
The News & Observer

 

Answer

The general rule of thumb is that when the bride breaks her engagement, she returns the ring. When the groom breaks the engagement she is allowed to keep the ring.

However, my question to you is how did she even get an “engagement ring” when this was such a sudden, unplanned wedding?

-Edith

Choosing the Engagement Ring

Dear Edith

What’s the best option when deciding on an Engagenement ring for my soon-to-be bride?

Answer

Thank you for writing. Go to a certified gemonlogist jeweller who will be of great help to you. Ask him to show you rings within your budget, then make an appointment and return with your fiance and let her select a ring. I hope this helps.

-Edith

Engagement Announcement Etiquette

Dear Edith

I have just gotten engaged and I’m having a problem with my Engagement annoucments and invitations. You see my parents are divorced and my father is remarried. I really would like my father on my announcments and invitations, but his wife and I pretty much hate each other and I’d rather not list her. My father insists that it is impropper etiquette to leave his wife off. Is that true?

Thanks in advance for your help.

Answer

Thank you for writing. The announcement in the newspaper gives you a form to fill out and they want to know the names of the biological parents. You are the daughter of your mother’s name and father’s name. So much for that. As for the engagement party, who is hosting the party? They are the only ones who issue the invitation, therefore only their name is mentioned. I hope this helps.

-Edith

Engagement Announcements

Dear Edith

If we are not getting married for a year, is it necessary to send out engagment notices? We both feel like it is only asking for gifts. Thanks

Answer

People do NOT EVER send out engagement notices! Engagements are announced in the newspaper, by word of mouth or by personal notes to relatives. Remember everyone that receives a note has to be invited to the wedding! You don’t want to start such a guest list now! My book would be of great help to you..

-Edith

Engagement Gift for the Bride

Dear Edith

What is an appropriate engagement gift for the bride from her future in-laws?

Answer

Your question is too broad for me to answer since I don’t know anything about you or the bride. There are no hard and fast rules! It could be something personal or for the future home. It could be a family treasure. I would certainly try to gauge her taste and style in order to please. I hope this helps.

-Edith

Engagement Party: Gift Requests

Dear Edith

I am unsure of how to respond to this note included in an invitation to an engagement party for my nephew: “A Note on Gifts… Please note that we appreciate your gift. However, we plan to move back to (xxx) after “Joe” graduates which makes it difficult for us to carry very heavy or large items. We ask that you consider this when giving.”

My wife and I have never dealt with this sort of bold request before. My recently widowed mother who lives on a fixed income, and my single- parent sister with no child support and a low paying job also received the same invitation. Am I right to feel this is incredibly tacky and rude, or am I just old- fashioned? We are supposed to RSVP by Dec. 15. Thanks for your help.

Answer

I am afraid that I agree with you! Perhaps one should simply ignore this request? Plan to give a friendly toast at the engagement party! I hope this helps.

-Edith

PS. If you REALLY want to do something, you could send a bouquet of flowers jointly with your mother and sister to the engagement party ahead of time.

Engagement Party Information

Dear Edith

When is the right time to have an engagement party, and who pays for it? Also what types of gifts can you expect if any?

Answer

Usually the engagement party is given by either set of parents( and the host pays for the party) at a time that is mutually convenient for both sets of parents, as the purpose of the party is for families and sometimes also close friends to meet. Presents are optional and not a requirement. I hope this helps.

-Edith

Just Engaged

Dear Edith

I just got engaged. We are planning for an early September wedding, but not until 2003. Is this a ridiculously long amount of time and when should I start planning? Thanks! (November 2001)

Answer

Congratulations on your engagement.! My best advice to you is to start planning now because all the best caterers, wedding sites, photographers and florist are booked a year ahead! But please do NOT select your attendants this soon. Wait until 6 months before the wedding for good reason. It’s all in my book! You and your fiance will love reading it now! Best wishes.

-Edith

Engagement: How Long?

Dear Edith

How long do you think is too long to be engaged?

Answer

Usually a year is about the right amount of time to be engaged. I hope this helps!

-Edith

Should You Bring an Engagement Gift?

Dear Edith

Are you supposed to bring a gift to an Engagement party? If so, what do you bring if they are not registered yet?

Answer

Unless you are a very close relative, it is not necessary to bring an engagement gift. However, it you like you could send flowers ahead. I hope this helps.

-Edith

Waiting for a Marriage Proposal

Dear Edith

I am a female that has been involved on and off with a man for 3 1/2 years now. We both have a feeling for each other but I know that I am more hopelessly in love with him than he may be with me.

We both have talked about marriage before but we never talked about it with each other. I want to know – would it be okay if I did the proposing instead of the man doing the proposing, and if so, should I buy the engagement ring?

Answer

No my dear, you do not buy the engagement ring. It sounds to me that if you want a definite “yes” to your future, what you need to do is put your feelings on the line and say something like “It’s time we reach a decision and set a date to get married, or I will need to move on.” There’s no point in you wasting your time any longer! I hope this helps.

-Edith

Wedding Announcements for Older Divorced Couples

Dear Edith

We are an older couple, who have dated for 11 years and are planning to elope. This will be the 3rd marriage for each of us, the previous ones having ended in divorce. What is the best way to tell our friends? Is it proper to send announcements and, if so, what should be the proper wording? Thank you.

Answer

I agree the best way to tell your friends is to mail an announcement immediately after the ceremony. It would give your name, Mrs. Bonnie Soll and your husband’s name, Mr………….announce their marriage on Saturday, date, two thousand and one, Minneapolis, Minnesota. There are similar samples in wedding albums in stationary or print shops. I hope this helps.

-Edith

Who Pays for the Engagement Party?

Dear Edith

Who’s family pays for the engagement party? The bride’s or the groom’s? Or is it the couple’s responsibility?

Answer

Thank you for writing. Whoever CHOOSES to give the engagement party pays for it. There are no hard and fast rules. Usually the bride’s parents invite the groom’s parents to meet and get acquinted. I hope this answer helps.

-Edith